u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
