I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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