no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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