Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
