i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
