Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
