im six kinds of drunk right now
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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