he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
