Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
