took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
