I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
