Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
