the condom got lost in my hair
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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