My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
