and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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