where am i from again
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
