You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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