Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
