foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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