Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she looked like the before picture.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
