You're completely useless in the revolution.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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