My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
