If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
