so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
