he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
