Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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