her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
