Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
