why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
