Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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