i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
