nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We left an ass print on the piano.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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