google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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