Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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