who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
