so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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