I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
