i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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