I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
