i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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