i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
