Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
