Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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