I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
50% drunk capacity currently
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
