i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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