we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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