Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
