Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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