i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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