how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
