you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Too much gin, very little bucket
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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