I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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