You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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