I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
