If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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